First Solo!!!!!111one!!!11!!!

Let's just start at the end of the day:

[Scene is set inside a late model minivan, middle aged yuppie, LAHN DART, is talking on a cell phone]

[L DART] "Hi Hon! I'm on my way home for dinner. I'll be home soon. Hey, guess wha..."

[L DART] "...."

[L DART] "Ho noes, will the ferrier be able to reschedule?"

[L DART] "... no......... that's horrible.......... I'm sure it will work out..."

[He takes a swig from a quick-e-mart soda, adjusts himself, and holds the phone up while he shovels spicy hot munch mix into his mouth."]

[L DART] "I think it's going to rain this weekend, maybe you could go see your horse next weekend."

[L DART] "... The saddle store was closed??? On a Wednesday? Jerks!"

[Camera pans out of the car to show typically packed LA Inland Empire traffic.]

[Speed of film increases to signify passage of time.]

[Camera pans back into the van.]

[L DART] "Hey, let me... Boy, that sounds like horrible service... Yes, yes, I'll fix that tomorrow... No, I'm sorry, I forgot to do that."

[L DART] ".... .... that's... wait... hey... bu.. but..."

[L DART] "WAIT, don't hang up! I have great..."

[L DART looks at phone. Writer's note to producer, check to see if certain levels of profanity can lead to an NC-17 rating]

[L DART] "@*&^%$!©±¾¶§£¥"

[L DART looks at phone, pulls a credit card out of his wallet and looking at it, dials again, 10 digits]

[L DART] "Hi... Lahn Dart... Visa... 4233 8222 8113 1313... expires 09/09... Thanks... ... Hi Krystal with a K, my name is Lahn. No. No No, I mean yes, that's an interesting physiological proposition, but first, let me tell you about my first hang gliding solo."

[L DART] "No, that's not a kinky metaphor."

[L DART] "... A metaphor is something that represents something else."

[L DART] "Look, am I paying four bucks a minute are you?"

[L DART] "No, I didn't whack... though, I did slide on my knees and the wheels a bit, but hey, I hadn't done a bunny hill in a month... Who's Bunny? No, a bunny hill is a hill you practice hang gliding on. Could we stay on target here?"

[L DART] "Anyway, the launch was great, boy was I nervous. But, my instructor talked me down like Leslie Neilson talking down Robert Hayes at the end of Airplane. I was up for about fifteen minutes. That's about average, you say? Yea. Yea it was fun. I can't wait to go again."

[L DART] "Did I have a happy ending? Well, I wasn't thrilled about going to my knees, but hey, I lived, so you could say I had a 'Happy Ending.'"

[L DART] "WHAT? That's extra???!!!"

[Zoom to L DART's face as he screams last line, then pan out as he slams on brakes to avoid rear ending sudden traffic.]

[Scene ends]